no fancy code, just here so i can ramble about my fixations/give updates :) | Home
9/16/24 (2)
im at the hotel now, not the one im staying at just one for tonight so we cna make kt to the airport on time.
9/16/24
LAST UPDATED FROM MY LAPTOP !!!!!!!!!! i am leaving for 10 days. i have my phone, but the neocities mobile website, and my phone do not get along. I will miss my cats, i hope all of everyone dies (not really), my brother is watching me type this. So, i am saying weird crap. He held his fingers to my head in a mock gun, ya know the style. 1,000,000 bombs to be sent to my location (not really), i am died forever (not really)
9/15/24
i have a tendancy to eat candle wax. i know im not supposed to do it but that makes it much more enticing. Anyway some candles taste like soap and i hate those ones. i have a really shitty candle i got from aldi like last year, it smells not great (fine when not lit but ass when lit), burns really weirdly even with the wicks trimmed, and tastes bad so like i hate this one specific candle but i really like the jar and i want it. Im going on a trip in a few days and im really nervous. this is going to be my first trip going on an airplane and its like one of those ones without assigned seating so i dont wanna get seperated from my brother or my parents. Im also really nervous about packing for it because what i feel really feminine while packing but i actually have a masc week while im there. I also am crossing timezones so im worried about that to but to a lesser extreme. My mom hurt her hand really bad and she cant do much with it (its not broken) so theres that too so im just generally really anxious. it doesnt help i have the world's worst coping mechinisms when it comes to anxiety which is to do nothing and scroll tiktok ( what most people do). so while i was supposed to be finishing up and prepping my dnd campaign this week i havent been. Im also going to be behind in school which means im going to have to pull a double catch up week once i get back. Since im behind in a few subjects i already have to be playing catch up in general. i think tomorrow we are going to pack mostly and im really nervous about that because i dont know what suitcase mom is going to have me use so i dont know how much space i have to myself. i think worrying this much probably isnt normal but it is what it is. i had to clean my room to my mom's standards so its now like really well put together but thats stressing me out more i think because i dont wanna mess it up before we leave. idk im just anxious and rambling and this is a realitively safe outlet.
9/14/24
i think its scary, trying to get better. ive been like this for so long. getting better at this point is the unknown and the unknown is scary. ive been down on myself for so long that its all i know. i cant think if a future where im not stuck at a miserable job with people i hate. i guess im a pessimist now, but i dont remember becoming one. i just remember always being this way, but i know thst i havent always been, i just dont remember. i think i need to try and be better. if not for myself for my friends. for my friends who stuck around when i was at my absolute worst.
9/13/24
i popped the nails off because i got really ma at my homework. anyway, im going on a 10 day vacation soon, and mother has told me im not allowed to bring my laptop (this is reasonable and i have no counter argument because i wouldnt bring my laptop even if i were allowed to) so site updates/plans are on hold, because i have to prep and go on this trip. im going to run through tonight and do general matinence but thats it lol.
9/11/24
what if i like actually just ended it all like right now, this is not worth it 💀. i wont, i have shit going on i cant just abandon but i like idealizing it. and no one reads these anyway, i know my dad has access to these, my friends, my brothers. None of you read this, so i can say this an have no repercussions. i think it selfish to want repercussions
anyway though.
9/10/24
man this has just gotta all be self sabatoge at this point
9/7/24
i got nails again so no like big updates because i hate typing with them
9/5/24
i told my mom i really wanted chocolate cake and she got me a slice from her job! :-). also last night i made chicken parmesean, mom did most the work because ive never fried chicken before and i needed to be taught. Ive fried other things before, just not chicken. It was delicious. We forgot we were out of parmesean so we had to go to the store and pick some up, she just dropped me at the door so i could run in and grab it, since i was there i got myself a monster. I LOVE MONSTER. i havent drank it yet its for when i wake up in the morning. Caffiene doesnt really do much for me but still, rather not run the risk.
9/4/24
i know all i do anymore on this blog is vent but honestly i cant bring myself to journal anymore. everytime i journal i fall into the same routine of spiraling and i just cant do it anymore without fear that that is what's gonna happen. And i like the idea of talking this out with someone, even if im not really do that. I think this is still dangerous in and of itself, but i dont care much. anyway, the minecraft trailer dropped and i was right, it looks like ass. Its not a secret that i hate mojang/microsoft. i think minecraft has gotten too big but ive rambled enough about that. Im always going to be nostalgic on the first version i played but yada yada i already talked about that here. ive also been playing animal crossing again recently, and i have some feelings on new horizons that have already been thought before. I think if you look at it through the lense of it being completely seperate of all the games that came before it, then its not inheriently bad. But since it exists in that context, its lacking. Im still mad we never got the finished nook store. I have new leaf on my 3ds, but my 3ds is fucked right now. all the inputs double or triple even when i just lightly press the buttons (not touch screen issue (i think??) i dont know how the 3ds inputs work) and since i switch between 2 sd cards frequently i think i might have jacked up the sd port. I have 2 because at some point before the eshop shut down hatsune miku project mirai dx went on sale and i bought it and the sd card i had just physically wasnt big enough even if i deleted all my games on that thang. so yeah anyway 3ds is fucked havent played new leaf in a good while. i think even if i played it i wouldnt like it as much as i used too. i also just dont know where majority of my games are though so that poses an issue as well. my 3ds is on my dad's work desk bc he said he would take a look at it (hasnt), but my games were supposed to be on my vanity, and i dont think they are (?). that thang is like a massive mess though i havent been cleaning it off all summer and if i need somewhere just to throw something down, thats closest to my door.
edit: i looked on my vanity and yup not there at all. although it could be hidden on my shelf (messier) or i have this bucket by my desk i just shove stuff into, or maybe my nightstand.
9/3/24
i joined the transing the internet server a week ago (almost) (like a day off give or take) did an intro but never got added as a member, but saw people after me get added. And like i dont think its personal but like damn, i guess im not welcome here. Let it be known i know im exaggerating this to myself, im a mentally ill socially behind teen what do you expect to happen. i think like loneliness is something im just going to have to deal with forever. i have some pretty self isolating tendancies, and i was getting better for a while a few years ago (like age 14 i think). I made a friend at summer camp and we connected really well, and she was the reason i initially downloaded discord. She put me in a group chat that i DID NOT WANT TO BE ADDED TOO. Please keep that in mind I DIDNT WANT TO BE ADDED. this was a actual gc not a server so ofc those have limits on the amount of people you can add. Anyway, to make her happy i left my comfort zone and tried my best to talk and be active, mind you ive never been appart of a group chat that big before and i (at the time and still now) only talk to juniper mostly. So talking in this gc, as small as it may seem, was a huge step for me. i was in it for about a week. she kicked me without warning, and told me i was booted because i wasnt "funny enough". I know i took this too personally. I know im overreacting with how much this effected me. I know that i shouldve just shrugged it off. But that one stupid move from her set me back literal years. I havent been as social since and i know it shouldnt be this way but it is. Anyway i dont think im ever going to get back to where i was before that. so the whole thing with the transing the internet server just ties back to that and some deeper insecurities i have. So i know in like, the responsible part of my mind that it was in no way personal, that part of my brain is like small and at the back.
i should also clarify that its a lot more than that one incident with that one 'friend group'. ive been this way for a while because of some seperate issues, that are too personal to talk and vent here. ive also had some high points and low points since then, which is too be expected. i dont think im ever going to be super social, and i know that i have to learn to accept that, or try to do something about that. I dont want to except that and i dont have the resources to do anything about it. i can talk to people online but with how i currently am i dont think anything is going to change. i know this is a whole like headspace i have to get out of, but i just dont think i ever will. it doesnt help ive been excluded by a lot of my peers, and its never on purpose, they just like literally forget me :/
8/30/24
site update againnnnnnn. this time just some art and sotw change. last weekend i wentt thrifting with juniper and got a shirt to use in my bill s preston halloween costume, so im almost done with that. i would like to get into cosplay more i just dont have the resources, im working on it though. the only cosplan i have so far is giorno. I dont like wigs they are overstimulating and awful, so im just gonna get as close as possible with my natural hair. Brunette giorno but it is what it is. i sew as mentioned previously but i dont make patterns so without a giorno pattern i really dont know how im gonna make his suit top. Obviously i could buy the cosplay but i have odd sizing and i dont trust the quality of most cosplay companies, and i dont have the money to outright commission someone to make it. i could easily buy the pants (ive seen pink slacks at stores, or if i wanted to go manga colorpallet (which i may) there are so many black pairs of pants in existence). I might just buy and modify a black blazer, and go with the manga colorpallette. other than that i have a few updates i wanna do for the website i just havent. i just havent got the will to do them. ive had that damned video game page since i created the site, maybe someday ill actually code it.
8/24/24
haiii i updated the website again obvi. this time i updated the home page and the art page. the homepage was easy, because i was just modifying the already existing code. I coded the buttons myself this time instead of blinkies because i want to improve load times. I still have to fix the links, resources, goatlings shrine and probably other pages to use these new buttons instead of the old ones but im going to go thrifting with juniper in a hour so i have to get ready and eat something. anyway, i didnt like how easy it was for jerma and hell skeleton to overlap over the whole thing so instead i set them to the right and the main bit to the left. I also put more stamps and the like because ever since i made a tumblr ive been seeing more cute ones. i put hyakojuuichi 2003 because the mp3 for that is just on the lemon demon website. As for the art page, its just the same bones as the new homepage, but fancier. I always like how the cuter websites look, but i dont want my whole website to be that, so its just my art page. I changed the links that open in the iframe to have smaller images and borders. I also changed the background from that neon pink to a off white to contrast better with my drawings. I added a page for sketches and doodles but havent added any yet. thats all ^_^
8/20/24
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
8/15/24
i think there is something genuinely wrong with me, but taking the time to better myself just isnt something i want to do. Im a lazy motherfucker first and foremost. Most the people around me (minus juniper) are all assholes anyway so like what is the point. anyway my shirt is here, i havent picked it up yet but im excited, i get to go pick it up today.
dont take this as a threat of suicide btw, ive got too many people depending on me for that bs. just a vent
8/7/24
i ordered a shirt from hottopic and im so excited for it to come in, i dont buy non thrifted items a lot. Mother also bought peaches and im tearing them UP.
8/2/24
i used to think new years was the day after christmas when i was little. i like being home, its very nice. the bathroom is gross, so while mom was at the store i cleaned the toilet. Imagine that, secretly cleaning the toilet. I wouldnt get in trouble i was just ashamed that i had been broken down this far. shes not gonna be gone long enough for me to get anything else clean so im just gonna pick up instead. i guess next time its just me and my brother ill clean the bathtub, that is also gross. then at some point ill figure out how to secretly mop (ill probably just spray a rag down with clean, get down on my hands and knees and scrub the floor like that), there no reason i cant tell my mom im cleaning the bathroom, its just that if i tell her she will point out all the ways im doing it wrong.
7/31/24 (3)
my mom said she was gonna put me in therapy, she said this last year, i think she forgot. any way my new headphones came in!! they are the jlab mlp ones, since my airpods are dying i splurged a little. They were on sale and i had a $25 giftcard (and i begged my dad to cover tax) so really they were free. im still gonna use my airpods, but since these were on sale and so cute i couldnt pass them up. not nearly as nice or whatever but i really dont care, im not a sound snob. I would still like a pair of over the ear headphones for when im working on commission stuff and other longtime wear things but i think ill ask for that for christmas. i was gonna ask for some for my birthday but i got the waay better gift of my beloved laptop so alls good. anyway these headphones are literally so adorable.
7/31/24
im back home!! finally!!!!!!!!!!
7/3124
i dont think im ever going to get over being excluded so much in my early childhood.
7/30/24
im moving out of work tomorrow. i am so excited to be back home i fucking hate it here. They made us scrub out the fucking trashcans outside today then my coworker (calling him K) made my other coworker (calling her L) cry, over fucking water. Like bro you are SEVENTEEN you know better than this act your fucking age. I hate these people. K is such a bitch like so legitmately. also these letters are randomly assigned dont try to assign them to people. i went on my keyboard, closed my eyes, moved my hand above it a lot, then pressed a key. Anyway i hate k, hes such an asshole, he has been just the worst to work with, he pulls his weight but he is such an ass about it, he keeps talking about "you guys need me you wouldnt even get this done without me" bitch yes we could, fucking leave no one wants you here. i know i sound really mean but ive had to listen to him complain while me and coworker (calling this one 9) work double of what he does (l and every one else are younger and cant legally work at long), so me and 9 are up at 6:15 busting our fucking asses, while he goes and plays tennis that HE VOLUNTARILY DOES NO ONE IS MAKING HIM DO IT then he complains about that to. he complained that 9 never works as hard, first of all fuck you. 9 has got his ass up usually working before he needs to be there because he actually likes this job, hes constantly volunteering for the worst jobs so that no one else has to suffer, and hes being nice to your sorry ass. anyway this is just my petty work drama. im not going in to extensive detail incase any one of these people find my website ever (they wont, but just in case yknow). im so excited to be at home though, ive been having to hide my true nerdy self because of the people i work with, being christians and very judgemental. not to diss christian people, these are just those kind of christians. one of them found out the reason im friends with 9 (shocking news, im defending my buddy) is because we both like anime and pokemon and they was like very obviously judging me. But they are like 15, idfc what they think. im gonna test for my license later in august im so excited, once i have my license and car, i can hang out with my friends more. i have a pokemon league in my town apparently too, i might look into that. my dad straight up said me and 9 could "sit and flirt with eachother" in reference to having their family over (he and 9's dad are friends) little does he know,,,,,,, also my dad is friends with me on discord so like at any point if he wanted to he could just look at my sites, they are linked on my discord, so either he has and he ahsnt said anything, or he hasnt and doesnt care. either way i dont care. :/
7/29/24
i wanna go home man 😭 i have 2 more days left then i can go back to my shut in ways :3. i dont know why im so ashamed sbout my nerdy ways, everyone already doesnt like me except for my few very close friends, so i dont see why im so ashamed. a few 'wrong', interests wont change anything.
7/26/24
still hard at work on the animal crossing shrine. After that i would like to rework the art page. I quite like this art page https://roboticoperatingbuddy.neocities.org/art art page and would like to take a little inspo from it. not copy it taht is plagirism. I also have a list of characters i would like to draw fanart of. I wish the camp im working in had more trees. its just a big fucking field, i hate it. It is so barren and ugly. i am so excited for camp to end, just 5 more days :33333. today has been fine, i feel like shit but thats pretty normal. If im not taking physical damage im taking psychic damage.
7/24/24
got in trouble for being late again today but guess what!! i cannot care!!! anyway 7 more days :33c. since i got off early today me and my coworker friends are gonna go get boba then run to the walmart, since im staying out here.
7/23/24
only 8 more days of work!! i get more breaks this camp :3, idk about next camp. Once we finish cleaning the center the campers are staying in im off the rest of tomorrow!! then back to work noon thursday :(
7/14/24
im back at work again. Everyday these people find out a new way that im different, another way to other me. And as much as i dont like it, this is like exactly what being alterantive is. I am other to them, theres no changing that. It doesnt help i am lying about being christian. I literally brought my tarot deck here. None of these people know that but i digress.
7/14/24
i think i need to go back to the freedom i had when i was 11, i just did shit and didnt care. i need fhat again. i dont think ill ever get it back though
7/12/24
officially off for tge weekend! my parents cant come get me tonight so i get to stay out here (KILLING MYSELF) (not really :3). Tonight is just some much needed me time. When i come home on the weekends my brother and parents want to spend time with me, which is understandable but this week has been super hell so i really need this. tonight i get to do the thrilling events of washing my laundry, watching dungeon meshi, eating ramen. Im like legitmately excited about these things. Does that mean im becoming an adult? is it an adult thing to be excited for the mundane? probably. Im not really scared of growing up and growing old in the same way other people are. Im excited to be a, as my dad so eloquently puts it, 'little old mexican lady'. (let it be known im barely mexican, only about 1/4, rest is some mix of white white and more white. )
7/9/24
im workinf from 6am-11pm all day this week which isnt the worst. it would be better if i weren't living out here. i hate it out here. i dont want this to be the rest of my life but i know this is it. im gonna spend the rest of my life working a job i hate with people i hate.
7/7/24
i went thrifting with juniper this weekend. I got a tarot deck, a few pins, a sewing pattern, an elo cd and a pack of old zippers. Im pretty excited about all of it, and i had a lot of fun hanging out with juniper. im working on my ac shrine for next week's update. Im about halfway done. sneak peak :3
7/4/24
hate america, got sick at work. killing myself (JOKE) yknow, the usual
7/3/24
hump day! work is work rn. I got like rlly sick today, overheating and dehydration but thats not what im here to talk about. Soooooooooo, theres a camper i think is really cool. I gave them a note with my number and my instagram on it so heres to hope. Thats all for now im sleepy :).
6/30/24
im packing for work right now and i know im overpacking but its my month away from home ill take what i want, i got snacks for work today too, and i got nerd clusters bc i love those and i dont get to have them often and im just eating them now, they are my snacks ill eat them when i want.
i also know im going to have to do more work at this job this year because last year i wasnt old enough for me to work as long as my older coworkers but now i am the older coworker 😭
6/29/24
i love going places and doing things but its so exhausting like damn girl you talked to 3 people better take a 4 hour nap
6/29/24
next year once im an adult (legally, not mentally ofc) its over for yall
6/28/24
i hate the horomone flux that happens before i get my period
6/28/24 (2)
i should probably take a break from being online but as ive got literally nothing else going for me (lie) i wont.
6/28/24
i think im on the cusp of another breakdown
6/27/24
i want to talk to more people but any way i look at it, it just seems so exhausting. Im not good socially, and im bad at acting. Everytime i try it goes horribly wrong, and i dont know what im doing wrong!!!!! i have social platforms i can talk on, im on forums, i have a discord account and i even have social events i can go to irl and everytime i try to talk to people it just goes wrong. I get left on read, my posts go ignored or i just go ignored. i dont know what im doing wrong. I dont know if its something wrong with me, or if like im talking to the wrong people, but its just exhausting to try anymore. i have my friends of course, and i love my friends, but really i only feel like Juniper (LOVE YOU JUNIPER!!! PLATONICALLY PLEASE DONT TAKE IT ANY OTHER WAY!!) wants me around. Whats worse is i know one of my friends mom's could be telling her to hang out with me because of the circumstances of our friendship. I was at camp with her and another girl im kind of friends with, and i think they finally realized how annoying i am. I know i am the 'backup' friend. The friend whos just there to hang out with when the real friends are busy. This is just what i get for being homeschooled. Even in the homeschool communities im just a floater friend, no one really knows my name, but i know everyone else's names. Ive known some of these kids for years and they dont even know my name. Its not even a hard name. I know this is just a bunch of self pity and whatever and its like definetly 100% my fault but obviously i cant vent to any of my friends about this and journalling about this feels wrong so y'all (the nonexistant) audience get a blog post about me wallowing in self pity for the thousandth time. i think i could stop posting and reaching out to people and only 2 people would notice, i know more than 2 people.
6/26/24
6/25/24 (2)
i know no one reads these. I know im just screaming into the void. Nothing i do is even a drop in the bucket and yet i always feel so judged i dont understand it. I have some deep-set need to fit in and i just dont. Not in real life, not online. I know everyone has this need but that doesnt negate the fact that i feel it. I know my peers think im a freak, and they dont even know the half of it. I make it a point to hide the fact that i like anime or that i write fanfic from them and yet im still a freak for the crime of being a little weird. i try so hard to not be weird and i still am just by the way i hold myself.
6/25/24
ive been doing a whole lot of nothign because ivev got mere days before i start work and i just dont want to do anything. I cant find my 3ds :(. these last few days have been just like void space time i went to the mall with juniper and we had a time. our mall sucks ass so we only went to a few stores. We also werent initially planning on going to the mall we were just getting boba, but the boba place is like right across from the mall. So we crossed the dangerous like 5 lane street (there was a cross walk so like we didnt get hit) (obviously). We went to the hottopic and i got a jojo p5 tshirt on clearance (which is super fcking lucky bc i really wanted this shirt) (i saw it last time i went) (i cut the collar off of it bc its a small and those always fit fucked up with the collar.) and a jojo stone mask button. Juniper got a jojo energy drink because it was just labeled "stand power" as the flavor and we got extra curious. HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE IT TASTED LIKE ASS. IT TASTED LIKE HOW HAND SANITIZER SMELLS. we took turns chugging it and that was also a bad idea. we also went to the spencers. I got a poster, and a sticker that says legalize eating ass. I think the sticker is hilarious so i put it on my laptop, but i forgot that im taking this laptop to work, work which is a church camp (im not christian this was just the best work option so i LIED). so i put duct tape over the ass part so it just says "legalize eating". My dad doesnt know about this sticker. i also just only show him half of what i do anymore because i do not wish to show him. For sure he knows what im up to but he doesnt bring it up to me so i dont care. We also went to the bookstore in the mall and i got volume 1 of jjba p5. mall + boba trip was very fun 10/10 i lov hanging out with my friends. i havent really done anything productive for the last few days but im thriving (< said like gwimbly ). i also dont like feel bad about not doing anything bc i was having god's worst allergy attack and my thumb was swollen and useless on my dominant hand. anyway thats what ive been up to.
6/19/24
CHANGE OF PLANS YOU SONS OF BITCHES I GOT SICK AT CAMP SO IM BACK NOW, thumb swollen, allergy attack. cant use my dominant hand for shit, yknow, the usual.
6/15/24
im fully back from camp now! im still washing laundry then im gonna repack everything and head out to the other camp where i will not have my phone at all. Once im back from camp i would like to spend every minute im not working, sleeping or hanging out with friends, Drawing and coding (and maybe reading a little (a lot) of fanfic). i have my laptop this year as opposed to my desktop i had at this time last year so i can draw on my puter out at work instead of just traditionally. I also would like to convert the whole website to match the jojos fixation. Juniper added a jojo blog and i cant let pookie out do me. Also i got juniper into jojos my plans are coming together (there is no plan actually i just thought they would like it and i was right). I would like to add a whollllleeee shrine for jojos but, better idea, the jojos website.
6/14/24
surprise blog post!!! im still at camp, but ive actually had my phone on me rhis whole time, i just wasn't interested in updating the blog. im returning home tomorrow, then im heading out to the camp where i will for sure not have my phone. after that still expect slower updates from now till fall, as im planning on going on hiatus in august. i love camping yall. everyone here had been like negative all week and like saying they hate it here but honestly im havign such a good time (/gen). im excited for the second camp, but also i miss my bed.
6/8/24(2)
Okay so this is my final update before i dip for 2 weeks ( i have a day inbetween camps but that is already dedicated to prepairing for the next camp). I have a rough to-do list i would like to get mostly done when i get back and i probably will get it done. its as follows:
6/8/24
brainrotted, skins dry, withering, out of my lane, distracted, having an all around bad time, geek, dweeb, and a lot stupid.
6/6/24(2)
i finished that kandi bikini top.
6/6/24
img going camping in like 3 days then ill be gone for a week then ill be back but no update then ill be gone for a week. So no weekly update, :(. i dont want to go to these specific camps bc the second one is ass and im gonna be exhausted from the first one so im just not gonna be having a good time. today i cleaned under my desk and also the top of my desk
6/3/24
today i got pink mascara :)
6/2/24
this was incredibly selfish of me, but i knew my dad was anti palestine and i did not want to keep the pro palestine things i had on my page for fear of being rejected by my father. But with what has been happening in Gaza i can now no longer continue on in silence. He has found out i am pro palestine and i do not care, if he chooses to ignore what is happening in Gaza that is between him and God. But i cannot stay silent for any longer, what is happening is genocide and it is not right. I do not personally have the fund to donate myself but i am taking every action i can from now forward.
6/2/24
so i got a chicken sandwich from one of my local goldenchicks and like for one it wasnt even the right sandwich but i know these people do not get paid enough so i sucked it up and set out to eat it, and i didnt finish it last night but i saved it for lunch now bc i ate like all the leftover soup yesterday and that was enough for the whole day (like a lot of soup in one sitting). so i heated it in the microwave and so i took a bite and the chicken was raw. So long story short im eating a bagel for lunch instead.
6/1/24
im writing this past midnight so its techincally the second but shhshhhh.... Anyway im back home from trainign yayy!! i could work this week but i dont want to be working in the first place (shocker right there) so im not going to. I dont mind working i just dont like this camp bc its a Church Camp, which isnt the worst thing ever im just not christian, so i get to go rp being a devout christian girl for a month and a half. Im gonna go see limp bizkit in august tho so worth it lol.
5/27/2024
I moved into the summer camp im working at this year for orientation week. im only working a month and a halfish but im still excited. im just staying this week and then starting actually in july. I have summer camps im attending as a camper myself before i start. I could work the week before camp and then the week after the two camps but id rather not.
5/25/24 (2)
i think ive been self sabotaging most of my friendships for a while now.
5/25/24
i finished all the coding for the about me page so now i just need to finish the second drawing. Right now as a placeholder i just have kirby. So tomorrow im gonna do the regular updates + if i finish the drawing ill add the new about me page. I have orientation week next week for the summer camp im working at so week after next's update is probably just gonna be a sotw change and (like i should be doing every time) fixing up the links page with any updates. The about me page is for sure spaghetti code but im proud i was able to do it in the first place yknow. i finished metalocalypse while i was coding this one so thats neat ig.
5/23/24
i finished one of the drawings, and the commission. The drawing is viewable Here. Its not very big, atleast not as big as my other stuff, but it has to be sized down anyway so i just cropped it down. I did away with the watermark and just went back to signing stuff with "@ClowniestJuice" since i have a dedicated art instagram now. Im gonna start on the next drawing tomorrow, not tonight i have stuffs to dos.
5/21/24 (2)
i think if i ever get around to doing that theme overhaul ill probably give the site a unified black and pink theme. Also with a coat of jojos bizarre adventure paint. Also maybe toggle-able themes (would be pink, jojos, and probably space)
5/21/24
For the about me i need atleast two drawing for it, so im working on those. i also have a commission to work on too (non drawing!!!) so once all three things are done ill start work on the actual code. I recently hit dead on with a fursona i like so i would like it to be my fusona next to an about me blurb then when you hover over it, it changes to me, the person. a little "secret" feature :3c. except its not really secret i just told you guys about it. but i dont think people really read this, so itll still be secret.
5/20/24 (2)
im starting work on a new about me page. I have the rough image draft done so im starting coding now. Its still gonna have roughly the same information, i would just like a newer look. The old one ive just have as the layout for awhile and i would like something different since ive learned more about coding since i added that one. After i finish this one i will start work on the other pages, probably with the oc pages first. I also forgot i had planned a overhaul on the art page. so expect that too. I have not changed the art page since i first implemented it so its been a while.
5/20/24
Sorry for no weekly sunday update again! i went camping and i also hung out with juniper :3c. for next weeks update i do plan on getting the media log, my projects and other stuff pages running. I also want to get the base code for the oc pages done, they are all gonna have the same base code just with different skins. I also would like to figure out how, in general, to make different website skins. Im considering making the whole whole website run with iframes but thats a whole big overhaul i generally dont have time for. I have time yeah, but id rather spend it playing video games or reading fanfic. Which is what i do so im not really planning on changing. Lots of personal like angst finding myself or whatever happening right now too ig, all thats private but like, thats another contributer as to why i havent been online at all. Frfr having my own coming of age moment (im not)(unless coming of age means deciding i do not care what my peers think of me and fully embracing my "cringe" side)
5/12/24
Happy mother's day! im not a mom but i have one. I got upgraded my computer awhile ago (see below, like way below) so i dont have a disk drive. My dad has a usb disk reader/writer but i might buy a radio with a disk reader. If i did it would be purely "for the aesthetic" and id probably go out of my way to get a pink one. I went to the flea market yesterday and got some stuff. I got a really nice camera, for cheap too. In box too. It was like odd because this specific camera usually goes for 100 but this one was only $25. Im not gonna question it, i wanted a camera i got a camera. I also got a ring and some earings and a necklace and i think they are super cute and ill probably use them with layering. Lastely i got two korn cds, i didnt even see these at first, my brother pointed them out. I put them in the cd collection if you are curious. I wanted a camera partly so i could take shitty "aesthetic" pics (as it were) but this camera is legitmately too nice. Thats not a bad thing i also wanted a camera just to, yknow, use. I wanted mostly one to use this summer. So dont take this as me complaining about something being too nice, i just honestly didnt expect to be able to nab one this nice. Im listening to "see you on the otherside" by korn rn (not on cd, ironic, i know) this is good.
5/10/24
turns out yes! i did get the job! i dont want this job but like i said i like the money and the freedom that comes with it. Like two things though, i wont have nearly any free time (mostly chill with this) and like none of my friends are working out there this year. The summer camp is now only hiring 17 and up as opposed to the 14 and up it did last year (they were desperate) and my friends are like 16. they got offered part time but they cant do part time because they cant drive out every day. im sad ofc, but this just means i get to meet new people (i dont want to do that). ideally i would never work, and i guess i could do that but i dont think my friends would like me crashing at their houses. im probably going to have to make things a lot more scheduled in updates or whatever so that i can also do my other projects i would like to have done, this isnt a bad thing i actually like scheduling things, im just not good at following it.
5/9/24
worlds sleepiest soldier i would like to never do anything again please and thank you. No more things im done with doing things
5/7/24
its the end of the school year so ofc im getting busier. As much as i dont want to i have to get a job, I was only planning to get a summer job, but as i have not been called back after the interview i had, i have to go get a big boy job now. I would like to go work at a camp i attend thats a few hours out, but im already attending this year as a camper and i dont think they'll let me work if i also was a camper. Its also too late to be applying to different summercamp posistions so ill have to wait till next summer. The local game store always has their hiring sign out in the window so ill probably apply there. I did not like working at the summercamp closer to me last year, but i liked the freedom that came with it, that was really nice. and the comradery with my coworkers. either way though, i have to get a job, because i need a car, and to get a car you need money, and to get money you need a job. Im also really close to getting my liscense, i couldve gotten it sooner, i was just scared of driving. As much as i hate cars, the area i live in is like far out from town, so i really cant get anywhere without driving. the bus runs, but ill be honest i dont know how the bus system works, and its sketchy. Im still doing general site mantience, but expect updates to slow down from here on out. I have a few other projects im working on, all passion projects, that i kinda want to do more than work on this website. Just so i can ramble about them a litttttllllee, i saw an add for a set i thought was really cute, but i didnt want to buy from shein, which was the vendor, so guess what,,,, im making a fish set :3. Its like a cropped tank with a long skirt, I chose fabric already its tropical fish on a ocean blue background. The orignal set was goldfish on a white background but i thnk this is cuter. Secondly i still really want to make a kandi bikini top, I think im gonna make it pink cheeta print i just have to order beads, which of course requires money. Im working for my aunt though, so theres more of that then there used to be. i also have a few ideas for different drawings, my own mermay prompt list ofc, and i was also wanting to get back into stop motion. When i was younger i made some stop motion videos with my legos and that was always fun, and i always have ideas for animations but i hate hate hate animating but i like stop motion so like, maybe.
tldr: site updates slowing down, need job. Angry summercamp did not hire me, have to wait for next year. need money 4 car, and for beads. Fish skirt.
4/29/24
I JUST FINISHED STONE OCEAN IT WAS SO GOOD OH MY GOD LIKE SO MANY TIMES I HNAD TO GET UP AND GO RUN TO MY DAD AND TELL HIM EVERYTHING THAT WAS HAPPENINGIN BECAUSE IT WAS JUST SO MUCH AND IT WAS SO GOOD AND OH MY GOD THE LAST OUTRO?! AND ROUNDABOUT?! ROUNDABOUT!!!!!!!!!! I KN EW HOW IT WAS GONNA END BUT STILL IT WASS SOOOOOO GOOD !!!!
4/27/24(3)
okok yeah 3 updates in one day makes this not a blog but shutup shhshshhhsh!! im probably gonna start doing weekly updates instead of a bunch of smaller updates throughout the week. Because reasons. I STILL HAVENT DONE THE HOMEOWORK
4/27/24(2)
ADDED FAN OCS!! thats fixed :3, i have an idea for how im gonna format the oc pages but first i actually have to figure how how im gonna code then, and thats not happening tonight because i have nails on and typing with nails on is kinda hell. Im getting better with it though, im way faster now :). Coding just usually makes me very upset and im in a pretty good mood and i would not like to have that ruined. Also because i have homework i gotta do first. Im procrastinating @_@.
4/27/24
okay so few updates. 1. im putting the cosmetic makeover on hold. 2. I went to prom last night! it was very fun, i had friends there, and i danced a lot :3. also i kept slipping on the train of my dress, But this year i didnt roll my ankle! 3. If you follow me on my neocities profile you may have noticed i just added a fuck ton of oc files. This is for mostly my own sake and also because i wish to share my work. Most of these ocs are in very early development so like keep that in mind :). anyway yeah! oc pages coming soon. Im probably going to start with the "goat" pages first, because those have the most development :). I FORGOT A SECTION FOR MY FAN OCS HOLD ON BRB
4/25/24
i got my tablet out to get some older art off of it and like FUCK the screen is SERPPERATED FROM THE REST OF THE TABLET?! I use my tablet frequently still but like i havent in a few days because my brother took it and hid it (i knew where it was i just didnt care to go get it) and its still turning on but like, what the fuck happened?! what HAPPENED?!
4/22/24
ive been planning for a while now to make a video about why i think people should make their own websites. I am a terrible writer, and thats probably going to double as my manifesto.
4/21/24(2)
i got heels for prom today! i have like, the smallest feet ever, so like shoe shopping is not easy. But i found a pair of heels in my size :3, they are hot pink !
4/21/24
i got all dolled up today :)
4/17/24
im going to prom, as is typical. I went last year too, and like last year i didnt care but this year i do. Im just disapointed i dont have a date, because all my friends have dates so im like third wheeling. No one had a date last year. I am fully driven by peer pressure. So like i dont really want a prom date but everyone else is doing it. Also i would rather never talk to any of the people who could ask me to prom.
4/16/24
4/16/24
fret not guys ill make giorno birthday video l8tr (school right now 😼)
4/15/24
I set my browser's font to comic sans and like that was so disorrienting trying to use neocities like that it was awful. I just went and temporarily changed it back. Okay so like, regarding federiefederi; I didnt ever think anything was wrong with them, and like i still kinda(?) dont. I think what they are doing is great in consept and almost okay in execution. I just really cant agree with how they are presenting themselves. I am nothing if not a massive seaker of attention, so thats why i supported their project in the first place. But because of how they are presenting themselves, deleting critism and allat i just really dont want to be associated with them anymore. Them acting like that is bringing down everyone they have on their site too i believe. Im probably gonna cross-post this on to my neocities dash as well so expect that. Federiefederi asside tomorrow is giorno's birthday :3. Im probably not gonna do anything for it because i didnt do any school today so i have to do like double school tomorrow. I might like print out an image of him, and prepair him a waffle (waffle because i have left over waffles, i dont really like waffles but its the closest i have to anything like that (NO ITS NOT I JUST REMEMBERED I HAVE CHEESECAKE)). I dont have a color printer so he would be emo 💔. I could very well just draw a giorno drawing but im already working on two drawings at once and thats my limit (4 actually, but after i sent my laptop in, i just stopped caring). Also i cant get giorno to look right when i draw him, he just looks wrong. also when i said big things are coming i lied i dont actually have anything planned.
4/14/24
big things coming :3
4/12/24(2)
i still am planning for a cosmetic overhaul and you can bet i am going to be making it jojos. i also will probably redo the art page since it doesnt fit the new site layout. make it more gallery-esc maybe. :3
4/12/24 i got my laptop back today! which is good and all but they factory rest butlertron :( (her name) i think most everything is intact, i dont think my sims game is but i didnt play it much after moving over the files so it should be fine ill just be set back a little. Even if i didnt have the option of continuing on with the same save i wouldnt be to heartbroken. my bookmarks are gone :( because i didnt have a mozilla account :( thats also fine, i was just mostly worried about losing my html files, but they were backed up with onedrive so i still have them. Even if i had known they were gonna factory reset her i wouldnt have been able to do anything because the whole issue was she was dead and i couldnt charge her. im sad and all but ill live, im mostly just shaken because i didnt want to start from the ground up with none of my art. Later tonight im probably gonna burn some cds to have my artwork on there so that if this ever happens again ill have the cds (cds because my dad has a crap ton of cds he doesnt need (all blank) and a cd burner i can use. my old laptop had a cd burner as well as my old desktop but the laptop wont turn on much anymore and the desktop is my younger brother's now) my notepad file isnt backed up, so i that means i dont have any of my passwords, but thats exactly why i didnt want it backed up yknow? i didnt want people to get into my thing then just have all my passwords, so ill just have to reset the passwords its not the end of the world. Like i said im just mostly shaken. Moreso than normal today has been AWFUL!!!! first, i feed the dogs and the cats every morning so i got up and fed the dogs, the cats werent being as pushy for the breakfast as they normally are which was weird but i just brushed it off as me having got up late (because i did get up late). So i fed the dogs and i was going to feed the cats, they eat seperately because they throw hands so i was trying to give my orange cat her food but she wouldnt jump up on the chair where i normally feed her, i thought this was odd, but again cats are weird i didnt think to much of it. Then i moved over to the ottoman where i usually feed my grey cat, and he got up there. I set down his food and guess what? there was feathers everywhere. odd, but i didnt have my glasses on and it couldve just been from a toy, i looked around and i saw a red blob in the corner, i coudlnt really tell what it was, again, no glasses. So i got closer and youll never guess what is fucking was. IT WAS A FUCKING CARDINAL, MY ORANGE ASSHOLE OF A CAT GOT OUT AND KILLED A BIRD AND BROUGHT IT IN. the worst part was my parents werent home so i had to get it out myself. I also had a spanish lesson today which doesnt seem as bad, but its over video call so i get like almost nausiatingly sick before every single one, and it was an exam. So just like triple whammy of a day so im like shaking now ig. I could also be shaking because im cold but idk. ALSO i couldve lost my video script, EXCEPT i sent it to my dad on discord so it should still be there >:). Im gonna like, lay down for a bit and just cry. ITS NOT EVEM LUNCH TIME YET!!!
4/1/24
i finishwd the hat!! ill post pics of it on my instagram later.
4/6/23
little known fact guys jf you like dont sleep consistently nor for very lonf lije you kind of lose it anlittle unrelated i keeo dropping ym phone (completely eelated). site updatws postponed i got fixated on my own jojos oc. i love her 💞💞 beautiful daugher. :3. i will bever post her bwcause i may be cringe hut i am not free, also sorry this is all unintelligiable, theres autocorrect butnits mot doing snyjring because it doesnt when i jse chrome on my phone, and like im too eepy to deal with it rn. sl you have to deal with it yay!!!! anyway ya jojos oc lve her shes a little crazy but i think she has to be to be a jojos villian (as ahe is). lov villaisn 💞💞 esp with a tragic backstory 💞💞 ITS JUSR SO GOOD (not referring to anytjing in specofi,) om getting jojo manga from my library, my brotjer cringws when i pick it up but is youner than me, and anyone younger than me jas an oppinion already not worth respecring be ause jm not that old, soantyone yiunger than me is like, even LESS matuee tknow . i think. i think i eednto go to bed
4/2/24
i broke my computer so now i have to update from my dads computer!! i dont like his keyboard. still gonnna jojos up the website so be ready for that, or dont be i dont think anyone is actually reading this anyway. i like writing down my thoughts though gives me acountability (i think thats the word). My dad's moniter is like mega wide. super wide,,,,, anyway, i dont know my catbox login because its saved to my firefox and he uses chrome so there might be an issue there, but not really ill just do a forgot password and change the password like an epic boss.
3/30/24
since the jojos obsession has kicked back up full force im probably going to give the site a whole jojos makeover. Nothing dramatic just like, stick giorno somewhere maybe (love him slay bbygrl). Im working on a sewing project i shouldve done like last year ( i think i bought the material in august) its going pretty easy. guess who had to go to the store because the thread their grandma got them from an estate sale that was probably atleast 20 years old ran out!! this guy!! on the topic of sewing im probably going to start doing that more too also. im too chronically online i gotta do something about that (i say, while typing on my website, that no one looks at but me). My cousin said, "yknow, i think im chronically online, and then i talk to you." so i think that pretty much sums it up. This is the pattern im using. As for materials im using pink fleece for the main color and like i think its called microfleece? that but teal. Teal wouldnt have been my first choice but im ballin on a budget and it was i think 2 dollar for the scrap or whtevr its refferred to i cant remember which was just enough for the project. Its coming together good. I have two sewing machines, and one is WAAAAAAYYY cheaper than the other and thats the one ive been using because ive had it longer but i swear to god that motherfucking bobbin in that machine is no good. Keeps fucking up, so like i had enough and brought out my bad boy heavy duty singer. I got that one because my grandma has that one and i really liked it when i used it but then when i got mine i was like wait!! i dont want to break this machine!! so it just sat on my work table (which i never used and dont have anymore) and collected dust. im using it now though because i hate my brother sewing machine now <3. im probably going to give it to a friend. Shitty gift but i would try to fix it up first obviously im not just malicious like that (i am i totally am i would give it to a friend to watch them suffer with the bobbin). anyway yeah, jojo website, kitty hat, all the things all the things. there isnt a joanns near me (ish) (like its a drive but i could get there i just cant drive) ( by a drive i mean a DRIVE) (a long one) so i have to source my fabric from either walmart, hobby lobby or online its like "okay which evil do you want to pick" none!!?? is that an answer!! i would like a joanns near me!! there used to be one but i dont remember it being there the earliest thing i remember where people tell me is was is a spirit halloween. Now its a video game store. Its a nice video game store but i would prefer a joanns we have 3 video game store in town including that one and not including the best buy i think we can live with just 1 less video game store. Also taking in to account most people buy their games digitally now. Not me i stay ballin with the disks. (because i play old video games.. you cant buy ps2 games digitally. ) (space channel 5 for the ps2 my beloved) (i got it for like 10 dollar best purchase of my life)any way ya
/3/28/24
grrrr gr rgrrr. I got jjba asbr bc yknow, the whole jojo obsession thing (and also i ADORE fighting games). Its like my new personality now. I thought the jojo obssession was bad before now its worse.... A THOUSAND TIMES WORSE!!! which is odd because i didnt know it could be more but it is...thats also why i didnt post when i finsihed the whole site overhaul. Im reading steel ball run rn and like DAMN!!!! things just keep happening to these guys!! thats how it is in other parts too but DAMN!!! i have read/watched a jojo part in a hot minute. im also finishing stone ocean because i was finally able to set aside my anger becoz women. I also recently watched xavier renegade angel and thats probably gonna be added to the list of shows i rewatched frequntly (clone high, btb, bee and puppycat, saiki k, and atla.). ouugughhhhh,,,, jojo......
3/24/24
alrighty gang im gonna start fixing stuff soon get out of here NEOW
3/21/24
around next month, whenever the federiefederi stuff rolls over to featuring new sites, im probably going to do a complete full site overhaul. As it turns out like majority of this shit is not how i thought it was. Everything is going to look the same but i need to change a lot of whats going on below the surface. Im going to start planning it out now so it shouldnt take to long to fix once i can change it all. The reason i want to wait till next month is im probably going to take the site "offline" (i.e. have the entrance link to home removed temporarily) because i cant guarentee i wont fuck everything up when i change it all. I only noticed all of this because i tried to change the links page to look like the homepage so i checked the css file and man is it FUCKED so no more major site updates till then yeah.
3/14/24
i remembered googling things really does hold a purpose, so i decided to try and figure out myself what happened to yesterweb and ya exactly what i thought actually happened seems to be what happened. I am probably going to change the content of my website anywhere from a little to a lot. As is my whole personality, i am fluid and thus i change. Water doesnt have a shape and neither do i, i kind of just conform to whereever whenever. not really but my point is void because i am shit at explaining. Anyway, im probably going to change my website, already been talking about it for a while but i just, dont like it anymore. It looks stale yknow? i also want to have all my interests slammed in here, i am shaped by the media i consume and i would like to share it because as much as i dont like to admit it i am not (immune to propaganda /ref) very good at creating my own media. im not going to remove any pages (atleast not right now). what this probably means is im going to start rambling about my interests a whole lot more than i already do. Aside from my two shrines, obviously. im also just probably not going to take this as seriously as i have been. ive been so afraid of people judging me for how my site looks but like,,, its literally my site ?? im coding it?? what does it matter ??
3/13/24
not enough anymore i need to start dressing like a jojo character i need to be completely fucking impractical but constantly serving.
3/12/24
i got the book making stuff and doing things for my birthday so ive been looking through it, and i saw the part for making a book and decided to do that. I already like bound a single thing before but i hadnt done a whole book, but i had all the things i needed. so now i have a book👍 i will probably be making more i really enjoyed doing that, and it only took as long as it did because i had to learn it. I will probably be contiuing this and probably also giving away journals now.
3/8/24 (2)
i ment to stick my status.cafe somewhere in there whoops ill fix that tomorrow not a me problem rn
3/8/24
i changed the homepage layout, and broke some other things along the way. FRET NOT! ill fix it tomorrow :) it is past midnight for me and i just wanted to finish this one thing up before i went and slumbered. I had to volunteer with my cousin today, and like this group of 3rd grade boys tried flirting with her twas really weird. They were also just disrespectful, noisy and were not playing the game the literally paid to play.
3/5/24
im going to try a different approach for designing my website. Thats it on website tings. I have been playing a more than average amount of my singing monsters, not obsessed wiht it i just like to have it in the background. I want to start sewing/making kandi more than drawing because i have massive art block, My mom has offered to contribute materials, so thats not an issue, its more so i dont know how to do stuff. Not knowing makes me overthink it yknow? so i just end up doomscrolling. I want to make a kandi bikini, i have a few picked out i might make. (linked below) Ive never made one so it would be a bit of a learning thing, but i think they are cute so idrc. i also want to make a mask or a bandana. For sewing i have a few pinterest pins saved that i would like to make. If you sew i highly reccomend Sew desu ne as a sewing resource. I have material and thread already picked out to make her pumpkin cat hat pattern, i just havent yet because i didnt have access to an iron. I also really want to make her fennec fox plush. Ive always ADORED fennec foxes (in order, my favorite animals are house cats, cheetahs and fennec foxes). I also found a moth cape pattern on pinterest that i would like to buy and make, i just dont really have the money for the material and that goes beyond what i think my mom would be willing to cover.
Links: Bikini contender 1 Binkini contender 1 Bikini contender 2 Bikini contender 3 Bikini contender 4 Bikini contender 5 Sew desu ne pumpkin cat hat sew desu ne fennec fox plush Moth cape pattern
3/2/24
all the teen angst hit all at once so now like im sad and this is bs its my birthday >:( anyway probably gonna take a few pages "offline" soon so like, if, you are like hardcore following my page (why, thats creepy asf dude) guess youll just have to deal.
3/2/24
todays my birthday! im allowed to swear now! i dont like it very much but i think it adds a spice to senteces that normal words just cant achieve. Any way since im allowed to swear im going to post my first "writing", its not good and its mostly just me rambling about nostalgia but ignore that if you will. I mostly think it would be funny to write actual things but title them like click bait articles, so i will be doing that.
3/1/24
haha yeah its comic sans now lol
3/1/24
first of all, i got featured on FederieFederi! so cool,,,,,. Secondly, i have some small changes i would like to make to the site. I think a more "cohesive" colorpallette would look nicer overall. Since pink is my favorite color that would probably just be making all the pages (minus the system shrine, and goatlings shrine) pink. I also am probably going to change how the navigation looks, swapping out the blinkies (💔) for different buttons. I like the blinkies but i just dont think they fit anymore. i do want to add a guestbook. I know that sometimes they get spammed with hate, but i dont think i get enough traffic for that to be an issue. i dont want to change the layout per se, more just fix it up because i think it could be better. A full reconstruction of sorts, but the same product more or less. i think having it float to the right instead of being centered would just generally work nicer, with the tama box, jerma985, skeleton and the updates box all just kinda there, to the left. The layout doesnt scale, which wasnt an issue before, but now that i have my laptop that has a different aspect ratio, it is for me. As is known thats the only time i fix problems, is when its a me problem. i would like to add more gifs and just flashy things, i like how they look. i need to kill every computer forcefully with the power of my gifs. I need to update the css file and rework it, but the problem with that is that would break some pages. While i fix the css file i will probably just take all those pages down temporarily (ie just removing links to them, and clearing them to be a small wip notice). thats mostly it for what i want to do, i have pinks already picked out (they are in the notes of the index page if you are curious), all the same like shade but it goes from lightest to darkest. To add variance so its not just fully pink ill pick out a nice yellow (favorite color to pair with pink) and ofc use black and white. this site is going to suuccckkkk for red green color blind people. Also!! i want to change the main text font into something more easily readable. I personally struggle with reading it and i dont even have any issues reading so i want to change it to something more easily understandable (ill be honest itll probably be comic sans, because i think thats funny)
2/29/24
i have finsihed setting up my new computer fully, i have a dual moniter set up and it only took as long as it did because i had to rearrange my desk. since this is a laptop as opposed to my previous computer, which had a huge tower, im probably gonna use this more on my bed than my desk. Ive had a thing before, and i still have that laptop but that thing is a brick (its my brick i loved that thang) and dies like 20 minutes after unplugging it so unless i was taking it somewhere, which i never did, it didnt leave my desk. It was heavy and just not fun to deal with. i loved that thang tho.
2/29/24
im prolly gonna update the about page, not a full remake, just update the backgrounds, the cells, and the general information there. I still would like the more simple look (mostly because im lazy) but i just dont like how it looks anymore. Not that its supposed to look good but i dont like it this way. All my favorites stuff is still acurate, but im prolly gonna change it to tables and cells because i simply understand those better than css stuff. Im prolly also gonna add a few picrew images of idealized me. My hair is not that long, but tis my goal. I shaved it all off last summer, and its a little longer than where my chin is but i would like it to be shoulder length. This is the longest its been in literal Years. i got a pixie cut when i was about 13 and before that i had it bobbed, ive kept it short, in various different styles since then so this is really different from the usual. Esp since i shaved it, because i got used to absolutely no hair. I have gotten more interested in differnt hair-dos though that i would atleast like to attempt. And ofc if i hate it i can just shave it all off again.
2/28/24
almost my birthday lol. I opened sims on my laptop but i didnt move my saves so im trying to figure that out, steam is out for me because ive deleted and redownloaded the sims way more times than is necesary. i have my old stuff on a harddrive, so i dug through that and actually found the old saves so im trying to figure that out too.
2/26/24
im supposed to be doing schoolwork but this is way more important and will benefit my future more i swear
to elaborate on the new laptop post. I got a new laptop for my birthday, i had been using my mom's old desktop (which is a beast but its my beast. this laptop is waaayyy nicer than my beast, but its running windows 11 which i am not yet familiar yet. also why does all of it have to save to onedrive thats bull. Also its not my birthday yet i will not be updating on my birthday, about my birthday, for privacy's sake. instead i will either update a few days before or a few days after. anyway, this laptop has a different moniter size than the one i was previously using, so i need to fix my website now because before it wasnt my problem but now it is my problem. anyway i have to get my wacom working again and i hate doing that so adios.
2/24/24
new laptop lol
2/24/24
alright so i think my second moniter has finally bit the dust. the things a beast and i think my dad got it from goodwill so its to be expected. this doesnt change anything for the website im just sad, but it doesnt really matter i still got a working moniter so like, it dont matter.
update: i fixed it lol
2/21/24
i should prlly be giving these titles but thats not my problem (snot lol) anyway i am aware the main page is kinda broken if you dont have a 1920 x 1080 moniter, im going to work on that i swear. Anyway yeah hiatus is over i got my crap mostly together. My plans for the website are mostly coming together, once i have this one mostly not a being a flamming garbage can ill start work more so on dafffodil garden. That one is more simplistic than this one, and is mostly because i like drawing cats. i am excited to start work on that one, Not so much for the character design part but im excited to try and do something more out of my comfort zone. unrelated but considering shaving down my eyebrows i found my razor and i think it would be cool.
2/14/24
its galentines day!! im with my gals!!(im not) i made a new cuff, that was fun, i did it while doing school. some of my schoolwork i can do with audiobooks so i just did it while i was doing that. i got a bag of mixed beads from walmart and just used that to make the cuff. Its mostly just blue and green and yellow now i dont know what ill do with the rest of the beads. i might start making zine, aside from the one im working on with bff already. i enjoy making things but because of how i am i just cant do it without getting extremely upset anymore. so i think something i could make without the idea that it needs to be perfect would be nice. i know thats what the site is supposed to be but i have already put to much pressure on myself so i think i need to step back for a little bit, regroup and figure out a different path foward. i dont like getting upset and angry, no one does. i might take a small hiatus (watch me update the blog tomorrow lol) from any public work on the website. a lot of what i do just isnt fun anymore like ive said already. I have very limited free time and id rather spend it doing something fun not something that makes me so upset. anyway yeah, expect even less updates from now going foward to a undetermined time. I need a moment lol. ill still keep up with site matenence and update the song of the week but thats it
2/13/24
just updated the website to have an intro page. Just to serve as a flash warning yknow mostly like mention before. I wont be able to go through and fix all the links until later because i am doing school atm, i just had the file ready and was being impatient. im working still on the new layout and its going good, i just have to actually commit and im bad at that part. Im also working on a comm so theres that to.
2/12/24
alright so big things for the site coming. Im doing it all again because guess what the indesive teen is being indesive again big shocker. im going to redo for sure the index, the video games page because that one needs to be coded anyway and the links page. Im going to be adding a chat box (like how i shouldve a while ago) and a system shrine. Im working on coding the index right now and i have a new welcome page ready to be added because i have a lot of gifs on here and i would like to add more. image at the bottom of this post. i have the concept for the game page ready and im working on it im just like, really bad, like so bad at coding. I record almost every time i code just incase i need to go back because my coding process is eratic and i tend to delete important things while im mad. I might download a video editor and edit them and put them on the website, because i do commentate while i code. Its like in the style of a classic old web youtube video i do it with notepad. i might redo the bill watterson cover it was really bad, not that a new one would be particularly good but that was a really bad recording. anyway yeah im working on the new home page right now, i have the intro done and i have a few other concepts for the other pages already done. I know i change this a lot but despite what it may seem like coding is really fun for me and i really like designing the web pages. I want to get into like coding video games, not the design part but like the coding part. I have no idea where to start but brother (the one with the website) is already really into that kinda thing and says i should just download unity. i wanna get rpg maker because i know that one is like stupid easy to learn and it already lends itself to the idea i have. One of my ongoing projects, Dafffodil garden i think would make an okay kinda like walking experience kinda game, this is unrelated to the rpg maker bit. anyway is like 1 in the morning and i have school tomorrow good night pookies.
2/11/24 (2)
its my brothers birfday today, weird. (not the one with the website). everytime i try to indulge in my hobbies i get overly upset and die a little i think im not built for this. Legit like cried yesterday because my bobbin would not work, lil dramatic there sheesh. ive also cried over kandi and coding. Never over drawing but i simply dont enjoy that anymore. I HAVE however cried over painting, to be fair i was like six and i couldnt understand why i couldnt get my hand to be steady. i finally convinced friend juniper to watch jojos and that made the jojos obsession come back FULLLL FORRCEE.. im rewatching part 1 again because i legit just forgot all of phantom blood and battle tendancy. LIKE I FORGOT ABOUT ZEPPELI. JUST LIKE FORGOT HE WAS THERE. also i found out my public library has the part 5 manga so im reading that and i forgot how stupid the localized names are. FREAKING ZIPPERMAN?! LIL BOMBER?! im also reading steel ball run but thats slow going because it is a lot and im not already familiar with the story so i have to go back and reread some sections to pick up on whats going on. Edit: dont burn me at the stake but i skipped stone ocean. BUT. i feel like my reason is valid. I was watching a jojo tiktok, NOT tagged with stone ocean NOT tagged with spoilers and it spoiled the ENTIRE PART. ALL OF IT. and im still so so so so so so mad at that. so i refuse to read/watch it. I did start it was like 5 eps in but im just soooo mad (full seriousness it genuienly like enrages me. ) (im a lil dramatic with me emotions if you cant tell )
2/11/24
i think im like one inconvience away from a full breakdown (lol jojo reference)
2/10/24
im trying to put together a more cohesive design for da website, im not doing it very well but im trying atleast. i have very little time at the moment so im working on it like inbetween doing different bits of schoolwork. my school sched isnt consistent because it doesnt have to be. im just generally not having a great time anymore. my headphones are dying, like in the bad way i cant just plug them in and have them be fine. Hung out with my friend juniper today that was really fun, we are starting a band.
2/8/24
i have a whole layout ready to be coded the only problem is im bad at that part. Im procrastinating on a commission. If you are the client im sorry im working on it. i have the layout ready to be made like i said before. Im just really bad at coding and i have to remember how to do it everytime. like so much of it is memorization and im good at that but i have so much else to remember that i just keep forgetting the stuff i dont have to remember. i think i dont really like drawing anymore. But i like money. so thats a good motivater.
2/6/24
i had a chuck e cheese obsessesion when i was eight (mostly about the showbiz like fusion era)and it came back when i was 15, it hasnt been for a while but sometimes i think about it and like i miss em. it mostly died when they took the animatronics out of my local cec, kinda killed the magic for. i still really like animatronics and its a dream of mine to own a fully functional mitzi mozzerella (completely unreasonable dream) and any of the cec themed games ( a little more resonable ) its like 3 in the morning i should not be awake but man its my body ill deal witj it. love animateonics have gou seen the spirit halloween ones?! those are so cool. i had a nigthmare because i stayed up too late looking at spirit halloween robots, it was like really scary too. like it was a zombie apocalypse and i had to go one of the reoccuring dream houses (its supposedly my grandmas house (it is not)) and my mom died!? and it was just me my dad and my brother and we hsd to get to the house, supposeddly it was safe. when we got there there was like a qeird slide that had "always been there" my dad called it my brothers special entrence it was weird, anyway my grandparents were dead and fhe house was not safe. woke up before i died but i had to see my sad die that sucked. anyway like i said jfs like three in the morning time for sleepy 😁👍
2/5/2024
today i had a cooking class and it was very fun. i made biscuits and that was great but i didnt even get to eat them. My mom says its fine and we can just make more biscuits but it wasnt really about the biscuits. I am having a not very good time and i think this has been building for a while, prolly because i dont get enough sleep at night and because i havent been eating enough but i dont really care about the why. I dont want to feel better because everyone says i should want to. It wasnt really about the biscuits. i also just cant get anyhting to work otherwise.
2/4/2024
tomorrow im prolly gonna record the bill watterson cover and im prolly gonna put it on here too becasue i want to its my website ill do what i want. Any way i think im going a little bit crazy.
2/3/2024 (4)
aaaa i have book club today and it makes me so nervous because its a video call and like i hate those
2/3/2024 (3)
i slept and i have no idea what the heck that was. Im fine now guys dw
2/3/2024
its 1 in the morning, i have work tomorrow but i just rediscovered rave.dj this is so much fun. Im making new mixes and i dug up my old notepad filing containing my old ones. theres innapropriate media staring at me while i do it but i care not that comes with the territory im just having fun. i would add links to some mashups but it is taking forever. IM so excited to be an adult only so ic an swear my dad says im not allowed to and i respect him. I think its funny though and it would greatly improve my webcrafting i think if i were allowed to swear on here. So close he said i would be allowed to swear when i turn 17 but he LIED. i might make the website acid color and more flashy if i do ill add a flash warning before you open the webstite. If you are ever curious about the webmaster (me) dont believe my instagram i am actually a twitching mess of lies and loud music that growles when talked to. i go manic at night sometimes when i skip dinner, is houldnt skip dinner but this is far too fun. Father (mentioned before) made me pizza rolls but i didnteat them and now im in the midst of a mania.
(2)
DONT WORRY GUYS I DREW HOW I ACTUALLY LOOK DONYT WORRY QUIT WORRY WHY WORRY NO MORE OWRRIES GUYS LVE YA!!! MWAH!! 
IM GOING TO TRHOW UP I HAVE TOO MUCH TOO JMUCH!!!
2/2/2024
i really want to make a cover of bill watterson, I cannot sick for anyhting but i want to i think it would be fun. Nyhow i made my computer mouse a cute little ribbon, it is so cute and i love it.
2/1/2024
ouggghh birfday soon next month ougggh. aside from that, i beened working, yknow, on the website. Might.... change everything again, I have a pinterest board now. You can type terest with just one hand it is fun but the pin part is the other hand. my brother has a website too https://jesterguy.neocities.org/ he hasnt done anything with it he forgot the password. He got it tho,,,, he doesnt know how to code at all and kinda refuses to learn. ggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg
1/31/2024
oh my GOD I CANNOT STOP COUGHING IT LITERALLY HURTS SO BAD IM GOING TO KILL SOMEONE
1/30/2024 (2)
the layout looks like this, i dont have the like blueprint because its in my fanfic notebook.
1/30/2024
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaha i was sick,,,,, offfff courrrseeee. just a cold but i havent been sick since like 2020/2019 so my immune system is screwed. i did find the file for the updated index page, all it has is a side nav bar, that floats to the left. Idk if im gonna keep working on it, i like how mine looks right now. It looks like crap and thats exactly what i was looking for my throat is killing me. Its because i mouth breathed the whole time i was sick, im also like still kinda sick. No fever but like throat is dying and ears are full of pressure. Ill live tho ive had worse allergy attacks from just pollen. Pollen hates me, i hate pollen its a mutual exchange.
1/19/2024
man if only i could commit to anything i would be on top. still got intense art block, and i wont be able to update almost at all over the weekend. I dont have a lot going on but what i do have is so draining i will probably just doomscroll or sleep after. i do not have a dream job i do not dream of work.
1/18/2024
maybe might maybe maybe might maybe use pretty font. i dont care about useability, its my website
1/17/2024
man i am in the TRENCHES. I am in like a full creative block. I cant draw i cant craft i cant do NOTHIN. im not good enough at coding to resonably make my visions come to life. I could learn but i cant even do that! im very bad at learning because i just straight up struggle with understanding sentences. i dabble in fanfiction but i cant even do that! im just bad at writting anyway so i already struggle with it but like damn. I have like a full art block more so with drawing. I am just not having a good time. i think im mostly just like stressed or something and i could go into like a whole thing but im not going to im already posting my life online i dont need to add more to the slop.
1/17/2024
my brother keeps calling me a nerd everytime i talk about my website and coding. HE ALSO HAS A WEBSITE. HE CODES TOO. HE WANTS TO BE A GAME DEV!!!! he is also a nerd. he just punched me in the ear.
1/15/2024
Blehhhh today i added a cds page. It has all my cds that i own. i have to read the book for book club this month but i reallyyyyy dont want to. its not a bad book i would rather just read anyhting else. i started watchijg jjba part 5 again, and i forgot about the stupid dub stand names. I get like names that are copyrighted band names but some of them i really do not get. Also yea, i do watch dub animes, i mostly watch shows while i draw. on another note, i have finished planning all the pages out. I just need to code them, but like i said in the neocities post, I really dont wanna code rn. Mostly because of a lack of time. i have a lot of things rn and id much rather spend my free time drawing or watching shows. Dont get me wrong, I dont hate coding but i have a very short temper and coding tends to make me upset when i dont get things. so id much rather spend my free time not getting angry yknow.
1/13/2024 (2)
i just realized i never made a christmas haul even though i wanted to, So heres what i got :3. I got a system of a down beanie, a pack of gel pens (metalic, glitter and neon!!), a celestial themed notebook, ENA PLUSHIE!! SHE HAS TURRON IN HER HEAD!, bracelet stuff, some makeup, a jacket, some like sock things (not quite socks, kinda like slippers i think? idk but they are very comfy), a pj set, a donnie plush from my brother, a sketch book from my other brother, a switch controller, minecraft legends, a deathly growler pin, some other clothes and a animal crossing fanny pack. All of its getting great use out of me, i luv gel pens so those obvi are getting the most use. Theres a pink glitter one in the pack, but its inconsitent with lines (all the glitter ones are) :(.
1/13/2024
GUYS DONT FORGET TO SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL GIRL SCOUT!! EVEN IF YOU CAN ONLY BUY ONE BOX OF COOKIES THESE GIRLS ARE OUT HERE FREEZING AND ONE BOX PER PERSON ADDS UP QUICK!!
sorry guys got a little silly there :P. anyhow, slower site updates. i have almost every page planned out, i just have to actually code it. Its a shame i cant just beam the pic directly to the computer screen. Ive been rewatching saiki k again this one is so out of pocket love it. Aside from that i havent been doing much else. So much school next week, so like no updates then either, and im busy every weekend till like march, so no updates THEN EITHER. unrelated but saiki is so sassy and bbg i love him.
1/6/2024
I went to the mall today with friend Juniper!! the mall sucks hard but we had fun anyway. i got a rlly cute earring set and a lanyard from hottopic and (believe it or not ) didnt spend all my money!! They got an evangelion t shirt, :3. for sure i wouldnt have paid full price for the earrings or lanyard but i paid $5 in total and that was way more reasonable imo.
1/4/2024
hey gang!! (/ref) I have a whole list of things i wanna add to the website, aside from my to-do list. Thats mostly for unrelated site things. for sure i wanna add a tutorials page for different crafts, where i can also share the sewing patterns ive made. Aside note - im almost an adult, and ill have a more stable job (ill still be broke but if i can ill still live with my parents) and once that happens ill prolly become a supporter. this website is a passion project but its my passion project and i would like extra space. Back to the stuff i wanna add, for sure i wanna share how to upcycle clothes, or atleast how i do it, how to make a multistitch cuff and how to follow a pattern, and how to animate in ms paint. all these things are very easily found elsewhere but id like to explain it in my terms because i know that my terms are explain like im five terms. Ik for a fact any multistitch tutorial is pretty hard to follow so id like to try my hand at helping. Upcycling clothes and repairing is a skill anyone should have and its a shame its not taught anymore, especially with rising prices in clothes and quality falling, making/repairing/upcycling are all skills that should be known more so imo
1/1/2024
spents my new years playing the sims lol. Today i made tortillas and ice cream with my dad. Next week we will probably also make tortillas, he tells me about how his grandma made tortillas when we make them i like hearing about it. Today in the sims joseph aged up, he keeps babbling at glaceon at the party i think its cute because in my head thats his grandma on sylveon's side. i think. i dont actually remember the family tree lol. jacqueline is about to die too, just got the pop up. also if you noticed i updated the welcome page, that was pretty easy i already had the code done. I wanted to do it with an iframe but that didnt work out. I wanna try and figure out how to have a side nav bar but for now a top one will do. love this game its so silly. might buy cottage living while its on sale. Edit: glaceon is his grandma i think its adorable Edit 2: they had another baby, named her deirdre EDIT THREE JACQUELINE JUST DIED LMAO. LIKE DAMN. AT MIDNIGHT THE GRIM REAPER IS WATCHING MY TV. GOD. Aged up deirdre immediately bc infants are boring
Edit 3: this is like the morning now, i wrote that all at like 3 in the morning and now its noon. Finally caught tiffanny's ghost :D
12/28/2023
yvonne and sylvie are getting married im in newcrest bc i like building all the things but i didnt know what i needed to make a wedding venue so i grabbed a random one off the gallery and plopped it in a lot just for this wedding and it turns out this one has exactly everything except for a arch, which is breaking stuff bc my game is being held together by duct tape and will. ive done a wedding before but i did it at the willowcreek park bc i didnt know you could import things from the gallery. Update 1: everyone is standing in the arch, and wont leave. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY CUTE SCREENSHOTS IF YALL WONT MOVE.
yvonne and sylvie are having a baby boy and continuing with tradition he shall be named joseph
12/27/2023
Ive recently (not recently at all) gotten really into the sims. like realllllyyyyy into the sims i made a emo and a traditional bimbo girl and made them marry eachother, they had two kids a daughter and a son. The "emo" one is named jacqueline and the "bimbo" is named tiffanny. Their kids are named Yvonne and Jonathan. Tiffanny and Jacqueline are about to die, and ive gotten really attached to them, so im like really sad about that but also, they are like so cute as an old couple. no images here because im being lazy. yvonne is an adult now and is the sole income of the house, but jonathan is going to age out of teen soon, when he does i am planning to make him a chef or a painter. I also want the house they are living in to be a generational house. I made all the eeveelutions as sims and inserted them into the same world as sims, and im having Yvonne marry sylveon (called sylvie in my sims game) im working to get jonathan to get into a relationship but im not focused on him right now, because yvonne is older. Once i get yvonne married to sylvie ill focus on jonathan. (all he does is play pranks he is not going to flirt with someone on his own) As of writting i will have yvonne married in two ingame days and jonathan aged up in one.
written later, about an hour so. Jonathan just aged up and i have him in the painter career. tiffanny
s life bar is almost full. Jacqueline will have to live without her girlfriend :( without her wife :( without her life partner :( i know they are just pixels on a screen. but that doesnt take away from my sadness or empathy. i shouldnt be sad but i am
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
well gang, its official, tiffanny has died. THE DAY RIGHT BEFORE HER DAUGHTER IS TO GET MARRIED. she will be missed
12/24/2023
current fixation: jjba, its been a year, lol
i watched golden wind like a year ago, and never stopped thinking about it. ill be honest i dont really remember parts 2-4 but man do i like golden wind. Good soup 👍. nothing much more than that. i did draw like one piece of fanart. ive been in a funk about drawing for a while so theres only the one, and also bc i suck at drawing dudes
i drew this one back in like september i think... its in the deviant art post, im just lazy. this one was a color pallet challenge i did with my friend Juniper i found the pose of pinterest, it looks a little gay but like, cmon, giorno has a boob window.